Situation

A parent needs help to prevent teasing of a sixth grade child with a disability. The parent talked to the teacher, who said all kids get teased and that her child should cope with it. The parent also called the parents of two main name-callers, but that wasn’t helpful either. Here are several suggestions from other parents:

Answer 1

Try for some understanding and empathy. Most children tease because they do not understand the handicapping condition and may be “fearful.” Often some education on the disability enables them to see the child as a person with unique talents and characteristics. The teacher or parent could bring in an adult with that disability to provide some education and activities to enlighten the students. Puppet shows, videos, resource materials and other ways to educate about the disability take the “mystery” and “fear” away from the child and allow his classmates to perceive him in a different light.

Answer 2

My mother talked to the administration and teachers and asked to address the class. She explained to the class why her child was “different,” what that meant and how they were the same. Answering questions and listening to their comments gave the “secret disability” a name, an explanation and an opportunity for exploration. There may still have been some teasing, but we saw a dramatic amount of acceptance and openness to my siblings with disabilities. Their peers began to defend them from teasing. In this case, knowledge replaced fear.

Answer 3

Our family constantly reassures my son who has a disability. Many days we spend the first half hour home from school talking about the teasing. This allows him to have a release, and then we move out of anger by showing he has many positive traits to share. To follow through I suggest he call a friend and spend time doing things they enjoy. This confirms his “okayness” and helps him see that not everyone means to hurt. His siblings also share the times they’ve been teased. Finally, on his IEP I suggested that a “peer teaching” situation occur in which a class leader helps with his reading or writing. Once they develop a personal relationship, those class leaders begin to insist on respect from everyone.

Answer 4

Write down what teasing has occurred so that you know it is beyond what we expect children to handle by themselves. Then, if you have already talked to the teacher, go to the principal. His or her staff has a responsibility to verbally discourage teasing because of the harm it can cause to a child. Ask that the school staff address the issue. One principal, for instance, rode on the school bus and made it clear that no teasing would be tolerated — or the teasers would walk home.

“MY SCHOOL IS LIKE A BIG PUZZLE. AND I’M THE PIECE THAT DOESN’T FIT.”

Answer 5

My son with spina bifida was teased every day. His third grade classmates imitated his swaying walk, wouldn’t sit next to him on the bus and made fun of the diapers for his incontinence. He kept quiet about it but got stomach aches, wouldn’t go to school and finally said, “School is a big puzzle, and I’m the piece that doesn’t fit. FitAn older term for a seizure, usually a tonic-clonic seizure; still used in some places.Close” Our first conference with the principal didn’t go anywhere. At a second conference with the principal and with teachers, an outreach team and PACER, I asked the school to have the COUNT ME IN puppet show presented to the whole school — because by this time the situation was really out of hand. During the show, when one of the puppets talked about having spina bifida, one little boy asked my son, “Is that what you have?” The light bulb went on, and other children started asking the puppets questions that they couldn’t have asked my son. The show certainly made a big difference. My advice to parents? Anticipate the teasing instead of waiting for the problems to happen. Anytime there is confusion or fear, teasing will follow.

Reprinted with permission from PACER Center, (952) 838-9000

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